Conscious Decision

Anmol Singh-Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

Conscious Decision 

Generally our decisions about life are made by default and we do what most of the people known to us are doing. Normally many options are available to us but we don’t explore them and take conscious decisions. The choices made may also be under pressure by family, peers & society/community at large. But it is important that we ourselves determine what’s right for us and what to do with our lives. It is your life. Take your own decisions. Your divergent choice may threaten those close to you. Parents & grandparents may get confused & defensive, friends may feel abandoned. Losing their support and a feeling of being misunderstood may frustrate you but explaining your point of view & reasons with gentleness, openness, and tolerance remaining calm, persistent & consistent and clear in communication shall win back those who truly love you. They will stand by & support your choices. 

Unpredictability is a way of life in today’s time and it is natural to face the ups and downs of life. One’s self-belief shall steer him/her successfully towards goal despite the unprecedented challenges. Be positive, do not stay in dark (negative) space for long, remain hopeful, give time & work hard as no goal is unachievable.

The reality surrounding us provides one an opportunity to have lifetime experiences which help discover a variety of emotions, some make him/her face a dilemma and get lost in the whirlpool of life. The emotional highs & lows help us understand our obscure lives. Get purged of emotional baggage by engaging in your hobby like passionately reading a book.

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Anmol Singh-Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

As the person you’re talking to isn’t in front of you, social media also gives you a license to criticize or be hurtful towards others. This makes a lot of difference in expressing your resentment over some issue or even justifies your point. It may give you time to think clearly, type and send your message while increasing your vocabulary but it decreases face to face communication skills. You might lack confidence to speak or feel utterly shy when you meet people offline. You might even portray unconsciously, inappropriate gestures, or in rare cases the other person might feel that you’re fake if you’re not what you seemed to be. This can cause identity crisis. It creates a skewed self-image. Again, your feelings are inauthentic. Maybe you’re just trying to be good and look to please them of your personality or just vice versa, show ignorance if you don’t like them at first sight. This is often found in using dating applications. It diminishes understanding and thoughtfulness. While interacting with someone online, people may possess talking skills, but in real fail to even show their true worth. This may cause other to stop the interaction hitherto and be disconnected. Whenever you go out to meet people, you worry about different things like getting dressed neatly, trying out a new place to meet, being punctual, being active etc whereas social media facilitates laziness. Our relationships with people outside are already in jeopardy, it reduces family closeness too.

Social media is unreliable; your data might get leaked or hacked. It is time consuming; you don’t do anything productive if you engage for long hours on some random topic. It makes you idle. Your vacations with friends, family, colleagues may get spoiled if you’re addicted to use your mobile while travelling, unless you’re clicking pictures. Which of course, almost more than 50% people use their cells, not brains, pun intended. One peculiar thing about social media is that it is dynamic, keeps changing from time to time. These changes are constant and may come in between your daily rituals. Lastly, it can be dangerous for people when misused for targeted abuse & harassment. Anyone can bully, name-call, defame, body shame, abuse & threaten you thus viciously play with your mind. That is why it is important to keep a check on whatever you’re doing online.

Try to minimise usage of online surfing, restrict it to work related. Beware of the fraudsters, protect your identity, act smart & be careful of people whom you talk to. One must plan out the schedule wisely. Everything in a limit is understandable but excess of anything is bad even for your mental, physical, emotional, and social well-being. Gain some insight from successful people. Focus on expanding your ideas online. Keep no inhibitions. Don’t crave for instant gratification or seek approval by some random third person. Trust people in real life. Generate curiosity for the greater good. Find time for your personal grooming, family, your actual friends, office mates. Keep some time for your recreation. Make up for the time being wasted. Well enough said. Now as you can see, how social media impacts our life, I will conclude it and would apologetically like to leave it at your discretion, to decide what is right and what should be done. See for yourself as to where you stand in this context and have you found any meaning.

Anmol Singh-Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

Social isolation, staying locked in room, drug/alcohol abuse are signs of an individual being in extreme distress and are not to be ignored by family & friends. The feelings of insecurity, helplessness & loneliness, domestic/family matters, filial ingratitude, displeasure of those who matter; burden the mind with negativity thus generating unpleasant thoughts which increase the stress level making the individual prone to anxiety & depression. Talking & listening to them often, letting them share what is happening in their life & vent their pent up feelings is reassuring and the awareness gained helps the individual to de-stress. In order to be happy and stress free, forego self centered attitude, show compassion & make others happy.  

Psy talk contd...

Anmol Singh-Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

Social media often creates problems in relationships from being cheated, to being bullied, to being suspected of doing malicious activities, to breaking up, hatred and jealousy, from being completely loyal to arising misunderstandings etc. Not only your relationship with your partner, but also with your family members. Glued to the gadget, lost in chat with someone miles away, oblivious to the presence of family members even while living under one roof you start to push them away gradually breaking bonds instead of strengthening them, finally into an abyss.  The collateral damage is, in absence of strong bond, we do not open up about stress we are facing & bury the same deep inside us, feel lonely paving the way for anxiety, depression and even suicide.

Hope you can definitely relate. And I want to ask, why? Why do you have to use in excess? There should be a limit, don’t you think? I mean why burden yourself so much? Don’t you agree that a close knit bond in its natural and practical state remains forever, take your time to ponder upon and conclude. Another drawback to the over usage, is lowering of working productivity. Constant usage of social media makes you dull, lethargic, engrosses you into boredom, loss of creativity, makes you think off topic, makes you hyper & creates stress. You’re not able to give your 100%. It is okay and essential to have little breaks while working but don’t let that break turn into hours which will make you repent later. Some social networking sites don’t come with warnings; they just enter all of a sudden and to your astonishment, spoil you. I’m talking about the number of illegal crimes, large extent of cyber bullying, pro hacking, deliberately leaking your information, and lastly virus attacks. It opens up the opportunity for fraud and launch spam, further leading to identity theft. This may lead to cause panic, anxiety and even depression. Now would you like that? You know the answer, I mean who likes to be in stress. Adding to this, social media also gives rise to health issues. Prolonged use has negative effects on your health, darkened patches under the eye, strain in the eyes, inadequate sleep, loss of energy, laziness creeps into your soul, irregular diet, no physical activity, finger  pain due to constant typing. Apart from these stated as above, there are some more in depth talks, that need to be told. It is often claimed that usage of social networking lacks emotional connection and obviously yes, it is true. Real and long lasting emotions are felt by showing your presence. You tend to connect easily if you’re actually seeing or feeling those emotions and not by some stickers or emojis sent online,  whatever they maybe like happiness, anger, sadness or excitement. 

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Psy talk contd....

Anmol Singh-Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

As a psychologist I am here to discuss issues which are unheard of, “The unspoken truth in the current scenario”. You might be wondering, why am I even discussing the advantages and explaining about social media, everybody knows that right?, but I wanted to share it because I didn’t want my readers to think that my viewpoint and approach is prejudiced and altogether towards the negative side. In fact I wholeheartedly support the use of networking and how it has helped in shaping our attitude, interest, aptitude, mind, work, recreation and of course revolutionized our freedom of speech. I don’t beg to differ from, but I use this, my voice, to make sure that you understand from the psychological point, regardless of it’s being great invention.

Now the time for some reality check. Social media is undoubtedly a huge distraction. Most of the students suffer from this. Getting distracted is very easy unlike gaining focus. Whether a new video going viral or a text from a friend, or just random scrolling your mobile screen creates loss of focus and one can lose track of time. It diverts your mind from doing whatever you were doing. Slowly with course of time, it becomes an addiction. You feel the need to be busy with your phone. It’s all a beautiful illusion for you. Your mind responds to the beep or vibration, acting as stimuli, of your device. A spectrum of another dimension originates. What are you missing? The current time in your hands wasted & going down the drain thus missing your work. Your very existence is merely subjected to what’s happening in your social media. The gadget in your hands becomes your partner and making your mind blank without informing. Students tend to forget their task at hand and thus facing constant nagging from parents. We see extremity when you don’t want to reflect on what you’re doing. There is no right or wrong for you, just pure leisure in ignoring the real world.

Imagine a family of four and everybody is just busy with their cell phones, would you call that a family? These types of families forget the real meaning of bonding and spending valuable time together, they forget what togetherness is. It creates barriers for love, belongingness, compassion, empathy. I’m sure no one would like that unless you think otherwise. 

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