Empower yourself to face the reality of life

Anmol Singh, Psychologist & Counselor Chandigarh

Empower yourself to face the reality of life.

Lack of physical activity and stress (physical, emotional, financial) adversely affects mental health. Experiencing bullying, harassment, sorrow, helplessness, shame, anger, guilt, failures is inevitable as we grow and progress in life. Stay calm, accept & face the reality that it is not always as expected/planned, self reflect & evaluate to understand how it can be minimised / avoided, have faith in yourself, learn from mistakes & change your perspective. One cannot change one’s external environment but can definitely alter self behaviour to cut stress, mental fatigue and boost life satisfaction for one’s emotional well being.  

Words  may inspire but only action creates change - Simon Sinek           

Experiencing emotional overreaction /burst of anger in relationships

Experiencing emotional overreaction /burst of anger in relationships

Stressful arguments, anxiety and depression causes a person to overreact emotionally & triggers burst of anger thereby the rational objective conversation with such a person becomes the casualty. In relationships, be it with friend, a relative, parents, child or spouse, one suppresses his/her own anger/feelings just to keep peace, becomes quiet and shuts down the conversation resulting in build up of resentment over the time. The relationship sours and gives birth to frequent conflicts which take away happiness from one’s life. One must stop giving unsolicited advice, listen attentively to let other express/release his/her pent up feelings, understand others perspective, figure out and avoid the triggers, acknowledge & control own feelings holding up the resolution of conflicting situation and avoid provocative reaction during conversation to improve, increase trust and develop true bond. Seek professional help to arrest the relationship becoming toxic for you.         

Choose to fall in love with ; Who you are ?

Anmol Singh- Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

Choose to fall in love with ; Who you are ?

A process “Intentions → thoughts → feelings → attitudes → actions → habits → personality → destiny” rules our lives.  Intentions based on the belief of survival takes us on the path of securing whatever we need & can before others leading to competition and thus feelings of fear.

Acknowledge that you are special, respect & appreciate your unique outlook on life, see yourself more positively in terms of your qualities & accomplishments, treat yourself in a more nurturing way as you would treat anyone who is special to you. Shape your destiny free from fear; look inward to include, connect & co-operate with others. Self love, though considered selfish, is as wonderful an experience as falling in love with someone else. 

One Needs to Work towards a new Perspective of Life.

Anmol Singh-Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

One Needs to Work towards a new Perspective of Life.

The incidents and the experiences continue to impact our lives throughout that builds a perception & identity of our own and dictate our conduct in a given situation i.e physical and emotional abuse, feeling of unloved & unwanted, relationship issues etc. The process of inner negative dialogue that is self critical so initiated in such situations pushes us into our own world and our subconscious mind constantly sends these messages that play the same scenario over and over again in our mind to create our reality. Human mind is deeply influenced by thoughts and negative thoughts colour every response of ours to the stimuli and attracts negative situation. Fear makes us doubt our capabilities eroding self confidence and sense of self worth. Control self talk that is self critical, remain optimistic and change your mind set towards a new perspective of life.   

Set yourself free

Anmol Singh - Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

Set yourself free

Life is about experimenting; experiencing & learning, take life less seriously embrace your imperfections and have fun. Imperfection and impermanence is inherent to being human. Strive to be best but trying to be perfect always causes frustration & unhappiness. The expectation that life has to be perfect/permanent is the reason of unhappiness. Just observe your life you will notice that no one is judging whether or not you are perfect. Aspire but do not perform for someone else’s approval. Life changes more than it stays the same and nothing lasts for long. 

Examinations and anxious parents

Anmol Singh, Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

Examinations and anxious parents

Parents complain - Children score is not satisfactory despite long hours of study. Children are not preparing well for exams. Children are not able to cope with syllabus. Invariably the reference point for parents to make such observations is either themselves or other children but we have to understand that each child has unique capability, strength and cannot be compared.

Tips for Parents: Excessive pressure shall not take children beyond their capabilities rather will impede their preparations. Spend sufficient time with your child, guide setting realistic goal confirming to his/her strengths/capability and help in planning, organising and setting time table for studies. Appreciate them for their smallest achievement to motivate. Do nor pressurise, rebuke, remind him/her of past results/failures rather be caring and receptive to their problems. Avoid family conflicts.

Tips for Children: Prioritize the topics of syllabus, simpler first followed by complex ones, for preparation.  Learn to concentrate to use your mind and time effectively. Concentration is focusing time and energy exclusively on the topic in hand, observation and paying attention. Read the topic with full attention and scribble down the important details as much as possible. Take a break and then again pick up the topic. Look for the important details that you missed to scribble down. Carry on repeating this process until you have discovered almost everything and are confident about the topic. No one must think all the details have been scribbled down in one go rather look for more as much as possible.

Examination stress

Examination time is around the corner and the thought “what if the results are not in line with my plans” grips and stresses the mind. Today’s competitive environment is bound to generate this thought thereby distracting your focus from studies. It also adversely affects the routine like sleep, eating habit and rejuvenation schedules. Whenever this thought starts running in your mind, take charge, breathe this thought out and calm down. Be optimist and visualise a positive outcome to distract yourself from the immediate scenario that has generated this stressful thought. Plan and prioritise for correct management of your time for studies, exercise &mood elevating breaks, meals and sleep. Declutter your surroundings and work with positive affirmations.          

Sarcasm hurts relationships - Be careful while interacting with your children

Anmol Singh, Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

Sarcasm hurts relationships.

One’s weakness and complexes sometimes develop into a basic nature “Sarcastic way of talking”. Sarcasm in interaction makes recipient distracted from and loose interest in the subject of communication. Frequent taunts/mocking tone, tantrums directed at a person rather than situation are embarrassing, frustrating, hurts the self respect of other person and affects the comforting relationship. Compatibility in communication is a must for a healthy relationship. Intention to compete, display one-upmanship and win in a relationship makes it loose the charm and joy.  Sadistic approach to derive pleasure affects the recipients self esteem irreparably.   

Have you got into your cocoon?

Have you got into your cocoon?

Everyone is bound to struggle and fight feelings of helplessness, frustration, stress, and anger. One’s mind is in a jumbled mess looking for clarity. The feeling of powerlessness, frustration and hurt from getting nowhere dilemma, feeling like one does not have any support from friends & family makes one go into a cocoon. He/she opts for isolation that creates a buffer whereby one does not have to deal with problems. The past failures/instances weigh down one’s zeal to deal with issues & live life. The intention to hide, withdraw, or not deal with the realities of our lives is not physically and mentally healthy.

It is important to have our "alone" time for rest to revitalizes & replenish, quiet reflection, reinvigorate, and personal growth. Human beings are social creatures and live interacting with others. Life cannot occur in a vacuum. Do not be afraid to seek help, discuss problem/issue bothering you for inspiration, motivation and to move on. Do not let yourself remain stuck and stagnate. It denies one the opportunity to put forth efforts to one’s full potential, learn more about one’s capabilities and figure out the way to make one’s goals a reality. Set achievable goal at a time rather than unrealistic goals to reach larger goal and keep away setting in of depression. The body and mind both need to recuperate and refreshed on a daily basis. Listen to your body’s demand. Lack of sleep lowers the ability to combat stress so sleep well. Proper nutrition and hydration are extremely important for a healthy mindset. When mind is agitated and in a state of unrest one’s action can result in people getting hurt physically and emotionally. The realization comes once one calms down and it hurts. Reset of your mind by walking away from the situation for a short time and relax your muscles.

Develop Healthy relationship with your child.

Develop Healthy relationship with your child.

Healthy relationship develops when one trusts the other, shows maturity and accepts the other with all his/her faults and weaknesses. Each individual has a thought process, outlook and individualistic approach to life. Conflicts and arguments are bound to happen due to the difference of opinion in an interpersonal relationship.  One needs to nurture the relationship by respecting others view point, rights and needs. Suppressed feelings lead to feeling of helplessness & frustration, aggression and anger explosion. Listen, understand and appreciate what bothers the other. Calm down, think about the repercussions of words/actions on the other as well as your own self and respond with compassion so that you do not regret later. Communicate with facts and reasoning rather than being defensive/reactive/rude to settle/sort out what bothers the other. One’s verbal and non verbal expression in a conflict/argument must be issue centric and devoid of any reference to past instances, to control damage, to bring smile on others face & make him/her feel secure.  

Happier parents

Anmol Singh, Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

Each child is talented. Be a friend with your child, guide him/her to sharpen their skills but at the same time give them honest feedback. Let the child be natural and true to himself/herself. Provide the suitable platform to express freely and do whatever they want to do, his/her zeal, confidence and passion shall propel the child to excel. Involve & engage in childcare, interact & inspire the child, you will experience satisfaction, connectedness and your own well being.  

Expectations – make or break life an exciting experience.

Expectations – make or break life an exciting experience.

It is natural to have desires & expectations so do not resist or suppress. The result/outcome, many times, completely opposite to what one expects in particular makes one feel let down, creates anxiety & helplessness forcing one to conclude & believe that something is wrong about a particular happening. Expecting life to bring forth the desired in a manner planned with one’s limited intelligence on the actual path to desired reality/experience puts one under pressure.  The exciting experiences in life are temporary and the extra-ordinary expectations keeps one alienated from the reality of life. Expecting constantly in a manner that is pleasing makes one prisoner to the tendency to conclude/assume negatively about the situations but the best attitude a mature mind has is to see everything as a step towards a more positive reality. Staying positive irrespective of your present situation will keep you in alignment with your life force and bring forth the solutions that you desire. Do not cling to any particular result/outcome but trust life’s intelligence to bring forth the most congruent & positive reality that is far better than what you anticipate. It is fine to plan & follow your inspirations, but don’t create any rigid expectations about how your desired reality will manifest. Allow life to surprise you.