Love happens naturally and the person envisions a beautiful sincere loving relationship. The connection of two minds & hearts, loving each other & relating to one another and having aligned values is healthy relationship. Two things in life can never be changed; the past and partner, hence trying to change partner is completely dishonest. Compassion, care, will to hear, feeling heard & safe, adapting & meeting half way, laughing away the blues, happy thoughts and positive outlook brings in happiness & bliss, the key to a healthy and secure relationship.

 

An individual is powerless over the pain but must not become party to escalation of the sufferings. Peace of mind must be your priority, introspect and going forward embrace the changes. The moment mind starts thinking, planning & fearing for the future and disturbs emotional balance, direct your thoughts to the present issues and deal with them right then. Living in the present moment you shall feel calm. Be grateful for what you have achieved, do not judge, be compassionate for self to remain happy.

 

Inspire & cooperate rather than intimidate & dominate must be parent’s mantra while a child grows up. The child must not be forced to develop a psyche that makes him/her live life just pleasing parents and others, seeking approval & support. This psyche inhibits a child from learning own purpose of life and how to live for self & make self happy. These children, despite being successful and independent, later on in life feel a vacuum inside and start questioning self as to why they act as per other’s expectations pushing them into lot of emotional turmoil.

 

An individual selects the goal of life according to one’s attitude. The progress solely depends on his/her attitude. He/she selects & follows the path to achieve and maintains health according to their attitude. Whether one’s attitude is based on Positive thoughts or on negative thoughts makes a difference of Sky and Earth in life. The person following the positive thoughts and disciplined lifestyle always has to go the long and difficult path but he/she becomes stronger and achieves self confidence.

 

Unpredictability

Any one unpredictable incident, how so ever insignificant, can turn out to be so overwhelming & traumatic that it transforms the individual into a complete emotional wreck. The individual is engulfed by unfounded fears, thinks a lot recollecting painful memories of the past and is overpowered by negative thoughts that cause stress & builds anxiety. The incessant suffering due to the unchecked anxiety leads to depression. Resilience and mindfulness is what helps an individual fight & win over such thoughts with courage & hope. Psychologists & psychotherapists help the individual take positive actions which alter the structure of their emotions leading to maintenance of good mental health.

 

Impactful conversation

Impactful conversation is empathetic, reassuring, refreshes lovely memories and reflects courtesy, concern, care & consideration. Interpersonal conversation, be it with parents, relatives, friends or colleagues, must be healthy & responsive enough to build trust and cultivate a strong bond. Be patient, calm & composed, disengage from distractions & listen attentively, acknowledge, understand & appreciate other’s perspective because sustainability must be the focus of conversation. Spend precious quality time and be there for each other in your own way to help other express vulnerability, share what is happening in life and vent pent up feelings. Accusation, blame, arrogance & being judgmental is embarrassing and does not let one laugh, love, have fun, ignore, fight & make up.  

 

The human ego holds back a person from accepting vulnerability & feeling of uselessness in the face of challenging situation as he/she takes pride in self-sufficiency. However, acceptance & surrender to one’s own limitations & helplessness facilitates seeking timely help from others when the situation so demands. The experience of letting go of the feeling that he/she must be able to do it all by self & accepting help makes one discover humility & gratitude. The human experience of needing others & allowing them to help makes one realize that we are not on our own in the world & a deep feeling of gratitude emerges. A person full of gratitude is happy and more compassionate in service to others.

 

The child does not feel good and is struggling with emotional coming of age. The ups & downs drama unfolding in the journey of growing up makes them face emotional turmoil and vulnerable to emotional breakdown. He/She starts questioning each & every aspect of own identity, finds it difficult to reach a state of self acceptance, does not value self and opts for the path of self destruction. The child is required to be assisted to make him/her understand and comprehend that the problems are common/general in nature and not affecting only him/her. That the life is certainly not a straight line and child requires direction to deal with everyday struggles. It is hard work and there are no shortcuts to healing on the path to recovery from emotional ailments. A psychologist helps him/her understand and find emotional vocabulary that guides and provides direction to a more structured life.

 

Nagging a child ?

Nagging & unpleasant words spoken, comparisons & blame, rude behaviour and careless treatment meted out adversely damages self worth & self esteem of a child.  The adjectives used like useless, pathetic, good for nothing fellow, stupid, idiot etc  makes them feel humiliated invites impolite response as they rebel and react with brazenness to express defiance. Instead comprehending their needs, supporting, walking & empathizing with them in challenging times builds up their confidence & develops qualities of patience, tolerance & acceptance, prepares & strengthens them to handle uncomfortable challenges. Valuing his/her existence, spending time with him, encouraging child’s initiatives & making learning a fun process while growing up builds an everlasting bond and grooms & conditions the child to accept & reciprocate in a style that is not found weird/awkward. Recognition and genuine praise in public or even in private duly appreciating his/her achievement makes the child feel important, brings a natural smile and motivation to excel.

 

Self doubt rather than facing failure kills the WILL to dream. There is profound need to reorient one’s habit of brooding over the personal discomfort and inconvenience. Immerse & engage self, passionately in an activity that is emotionally, intellectually & aesthetically stimulating enough to help you tide over the troublesome dark thoughts. Adapt to the new situation and relax. Perseverance & endurance helps one become a resolute and resilient human being.

 

Today’s youth is techno-savvy and deeply engaged in free expression of themselves, without any inhibition, about their looks, thoughts and work in the social media. The quantification of likes, shares and comments they receive in the virtual world do add to the pressures. The illusion about one’s popularity and credibility, perceptible trust & loyalty redefines one’s desperation to increase the numbers to the extent that one may opt for unethical means to achieve the same.

 

Apathy and not hate is destructive. Aspire to get rid of negativity & discover own identity. Any incidence can change life in all aspects like never before, be aware & channelise energy in the right direction. Don’t succumb to pressures & continue to dream. Life’s too short to while away time, make mistakes & learn from them. Adapt, think about survival, be empathetic & respect fellow human beings rather than getting engulfed in suspicion & acquiring rebellious attitude without a cause in the face of severe toxicity. 

 

Interaction that is uncomfortable and puts you in an embarrassing/awkward situation must be cut short without losing cool and being disrespectful. Interpersonal communication, be it with parents, relatives, friends or colleagues, must be healthy & responsive enough to cultivate a strong bond to have a support group. No one in life keeps showering unconditional love in today’s time.

 

School/Childhood friendship, the true friends, is the family an individual cherishes & prides in because the bond of friendship is cemented by unadulterated meeting of minds despite being unique individually. They provide the reality check one needs to stay grounded. The prejudices, comparisons, judgments, jealousies, complexes etc do not influence & affect the bonding between true friends.

Anmol Singh-Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

It is natural for a human to get influenced by those who impress him/her. Each of us is unique hence one must focus on identifying his/her own uniqueness rather than develop an inferiority complex.  Do not blindly try to be like them and compete with them. Be completely yourself, laugh at self and live a life suiting your sensibilities because what you have inside (the compassion, the gratitude, the delight & happiness at others achievement) is what matters.  Self confidence helps you face successfully an adverse situation beyond your control.