Welcome year 2019 - commit to master your thoughts.

Anmol Singh- Psychologist, Chandigarh Contact 9872880634

Welcome year 2019 - commit  to master your thoughts.

Be aware of your negative emotions like anger. Do not feel threatened / loose your temper in an emotionally charged atmosphere. Underline the irritants/triggers/reasons that disturb and stress you.  Do not suppress but give expression to your negative thoughts and discuss with your trusted ones to make an effort to eliminate as much of them as is feasible.  Maintain self control/discipline, put in an extra effort to remain calm and composed, strengthen self with positive thoughts to live a peaceful life.

Body Language -Listen & Respond

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Listen & Respond - Body Language 

A feeling of pang in your gut when you may be doing the wrong thing, or a vibrant zing when your body approves your action, can guide you reliably at times when logic fails. Sometimes, when logic prevails, we ignore our gut & live to regret it, understanding later that a rational approach is only one way of determining what is going on in a situation & how we should react. 

The gestures & expressions we/others make, the sensations/feelings within when we are communicating with others, the non verbal communication of body, reveal enlightening messages. Excitement, nervousness, anxiety & fear are just some of the messages that your body wants you to hear.

Crossing of arms over chest indicates feeling defensive, looking away while speaking indicates withholding of some information,  brushing hands through others hair or leaning forward to get closer indicates flirting with someone one is attracted to and body telling you to move away from a particular circumstance indicates you do not want to be there.

Tune in and listen to the language of body to know the truth about ourselves & others.  Pay attention and tune in to your feelings inside if you want to know how you truly feel about a person or a situation you encounter and listen to what others are communicating to you through their body. Take a deep breath and tune in to a clear & communicative gut feeling for guidance in order to adjust your action accordingly.

Reach out to the trusted & loving people, who care about you the most, and share your hopes, fears, grief, sadness and pain with them. It helps them feel & understand your feelings and vulnerability. Their wisdom, perspective & experience helps you lessen the burden and stop your urge to withdraw from life seeking protection from external stimuli causing adverse and damaging feelings.

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Worry is confused with Concern –parents to take note of

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Worry is confused with Concern –parents to take note of

The thoughts, words & actions of our parents, siblings, friends and well wishers witnessed since childhood inculcates in us a belief that worrying is caring. That is why we live according to this belief and also ask our children many annoying questions out of fear & anxiety generated due to our own assumptions/presumptions about his/her difficult emotional situation/future. They definitely need our support but worrying is not expressing love/concern i.e Care. The factors/people/external environment responsible for their situation may be beyond our control but how we help them respond can determine the quality of their life.

We must comprehend their needs, empathize with them, walk with them in challenging times, determine how best to support & assist enabling them build confidence to persevere through almost any condition. The guardianship ensures they grow as individuals, develop qualities of patience, tolerance & acceptance, prepares & strengthens them to handle uncomfortable challenges while living their lives with grace.

Self-Forgiveness

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Self-Forgiveness

Every human being commits mistake and regrets doing it, but self-forgiveness is important to become a compassionate person. We all go through many things in life that bring pain and hold self/people/situations/GOD accountable for this. By judging oneself and others one develops a mindset that leads to finding fault with everything, criticism and disappointment that elicits strong feeling of anger and pain.

Holding on to the perceived harm/danger, anger and resentment from the unforgivable act makes you go through same pain again and again which is detrimental to the feeling of self-love and thus self-forgiveness. Forgiveness is about letting go. It is not about forgiving someone else but about setting yourself free from that pain. Feel the emotions, release them, move on in life and evolve as a happier and better person.

Acknowledge, take responsibility for mistakes, make amends to not simply get along with others, but so to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. View the mistakes as lessons and overcome victim mentality that impacts your happiness, health, and future. It allows one to live in the present instead of being stuck in the past and deal with the scare that we are going to commit mistakes in the future. 

Resentment – an impediment in personal development & Joy

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Resentment – an impediment in personal development & Joy.

All of us get angry. Anger is the emotional response to someone who inflicts pain or something that does not happen the way you want, need or expected it to.

Resentment is anger that does not find outlet and holding onto the hurt. It is a way of assigning blame to someone or something responsible to ease the feeling of pain. It smolders relentlessly just below the surface of our awareness thus eroding our peace of mind and causing great turmoil in life. Realise that hanging onto resentment in our hearts does not serve us in any way. We only hurt and harm ourselves. Choose peace over anger in your life to be free from suffering.

We must choose to let go of our resentment and to move on with our lives, no matter how painful the event that incited it. It is difficult to successfully divest ourselves of resentful feelings but doing so lets us confront the source of anger mentally & emotionally.

We must shift our attention from those we resent back toward ourselves. Think about your own needs and quell resentful feelings by giving tangible form to your emotions. Write down your feelings, then burn the paper & wish them well. When you find compassion in your heart, you know you are on your way to healing.

Free of resentment, we have much more energy and attention to devote to our personal development & joy.

One of a Kind - Acknowledge & Accept

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

One of a Kind

Acknowledge the importance of individuals in family who fail in some way to connect and try to keep healthy relationship. Never expect them to change their values/aspects of their individuality. This sense of not belonging exhibited by them must be perceived as the natural result of their willingness to articulate their own individuality. They may pull back from the people to whom they might otherwise feel closest and embrace a different group with whom they enjoy a greater degree of commonality. It sets them apart in their choice to connect with specific people to experience what would contribute to their ongoing evolution. They may be more sensitive, artistic, aware & imaginative. Their disparate (dissimilar) temperament need not be a reason for interpersonal conflict. Move beyond comparisons, accept these differences and appreciate the role they play in your life's unique journey.

The Journey of Purpose

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

The Journey of Purpose

It is commonly said - 'Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Happiness is not only in reaching your purpose, your destination, but also in the journey of purpose’.

We almost right through our life work hard to achieve our various long term or short term goals - personal goals, professional, financial, social, relationship goals; goals related to physical well being & health etc.  We direct all our actions towards fulfilling this purpose of life with a lot of expectations.  

A carefree, expectation free & detached rather than a stressful worried approach to our dreams lets one live happily in today rather than making our happiness dependent on achievements of future. Avoid getting upset & discouraged that makes the journey difficult & tiring. The worries and stress not only harm the emotional self but even our physical body & relationships. Remember happiness is not later, it is always now. 

Delusions and hallucinations

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Delusions and hallucinations:

Humans are vulnerable to circumstances. These circumstances, life style, relationships, day to day nitty-gritty all take a toll on us in today’s fast paced life. Some of us experience harrowing experiences in absence of social support. They feel neglected, abandoned & shackled. They feel people ill-treat & harm them. Their lives are spent balancing despair and hope. They suffer long term anxiety, depression, indulge in self talk and keep smiling inappropriately. Society categorizes these people Chronic PMI( persons with mental health) suffering from psychotic disorders.

These people refuse treatment due to lack of insight, stigma of mental illness and fear of rejection. These people silently suffer from mental illness e.g schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, unipolar depression, Obsessive compulsive syndrome (OCD), dementia etc. Their families also get burdened emotionally, financially, economically, socially, health wise and suffer social deprivation. 

Prioritize and do away with responsibilities that hold no value to you. Be friends with those who want, accept and cherish your company. Share responsibility and take help when necessary to create a balance. Do away with anticipated fears and get rid of unwarranted thoughts that drain your energy and have negative emotional consequences leading to severe mental health issues.  Fight your battle with the knowledge & virtues like patience & tolerance acquired through interpersonal relationships, a life free of parochialism & prejudice, developing an understanding that pain & pleasure/ loss & profit are all relative and must be taken in one’s stride. Learn to control & handle emotions, let out your feelings and perform your duties despite the grief over a loss to retain a good and sturdy mental health.      

Assess and be aware of things of paramount importance to you and spare time to rejuvenate yourself on the road to happiness.

Relying on Others - The Wisdom of Surrender

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Relying on Others - The Wisdom of Surrender

Most of us take pride in ourselves on self-sufficiency. One’s ego resists acceptance of challenging situations fully as it brings up feelings of uselessness & vulnerability. However, at times when one faces such situations in which one has to rely on someone else, it is essential that we let go of our feeling that we should be able to do it all by ourselves. We should accept the help of others. The experience of needing others & allowing them to help us makes us realize that we are not on our own in the world and it enables us to be wiser. A deep feeling of gratitude emerges as we open to the human experience of being helped. We are only happy when we are full of gratitude.

Acceptance & surrender to own limitations & helplessness help us discover humility, gratitude & an understanding of human experience that enables us to be much more compassionate in the service to others when we are called upon to help.

Uncontrollable recurrent thoughts/acts – Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Uncontrollable recurrent thoughts/acts – Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)  

Spending a long time in washroom, washing hands again & again, seeking cleanliness/orderliness, checking and rechecking, indulgence in self talk are few symptoms of a personality trait that tests other’s patience and compassion. These embarrassing impulsive socially awkward behavior/actions of an individual develop an uneasy relationship between him and family, friends & colleagues. These acts cause the person significant stress and disruption in daily life. Individual suffers and struggles with the feeling of abandonment, loneliness, gap between ability & aspirations, stigma and apathy. It is the chemical imbalance in brain leads an individual experience recurring thoughts/repetitive actions, one has no control over. Generally we are ill-informed and ill-equipped to deal with these individuals in need of trust and support. Such individuals call for greater care and consideration.

Failed relationships

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Inner sense of rebellion at being compelled to pursue a career either under pressure from parents or one’s awareness of the need for money instead of what you are passionate about quietly builds up suppressed feelings leading to pent up anger and aggression in human being.  Firm expression of one’s needs & conviction, openly and honestly, without any inhibition, without being disrespectful & abusive avoids unwarranted accumulation of suppressed feelings & thus interpersonal conflicts. Self acceptance of one’s own emotional state & response, respect for other’s limitations, assertive communication but a pleasant approach with love remaining non-judgemental helps in avoiding withdrawal & thus failed relationships.

Life is beautiful and simple do not complicate it. Leave arrogance and reconnect with family, people and live every moment. People slip away from our lives like sand. Do not deny existence of a problem, speak up when in trouble/traumatized without being afraid of the consequences. Share your trauma/sorrows with others without inhibition, your silence & suppression of thoughts lead to anxiety, sadness & depression. Parents must listen quietly/ believe in what their child tells. They must indulge and encourage him/her to communicate more. He/She may seem quite happy, doing well but may be lonely inside struggling all alone. Seek professional help.

Child psychologist and Counselor, Chandigarh

Anxiety, depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, aggression/violence, self neglect, obsessive compulsive disorder are some of the mental illnesses/problems one lacks the capacity to handle of his own and silently suffers never ending battle with these illnesses throughout the life. The person and his/her family hesitate to admit existence and seek professional guidance/help to tackle these problems due to the stigma attached. The mistrust and doubtful integrity of society clubbed with fear of disrespect endangers the dignity of the person. Few incapable to deal with enhanced level of stress end up committing suicide causing irreparable loss to the family and society. One must start his/her day by seeking blessings of Almighty and be grateful for the beautiful life. Just remember how much blessed you are, the moment feel overwhelmed. A Professional helps one to acquire the skills and knowledge to handle the symptoms in his/her day to day activities.

Child psychologist and Counselor

No one has the right to call a child stupid/idiotic

Child psychologist ans Counselor

No one has the right to call a child stupid/idiotic.

A child is groomed & conditioned to accept & reciprocate in a particular style as he/she grows up while witnessing interpersonal communication of people surrounding him/her. He/She is constrained to face relevant/irrelevant questions by people making the child respond in his/her acquired style accordingly. His/her response, when found weird/awkward, makes us form an opinion about his/her behavior and label him/her stupid/idiotic. Please never ever call a child stupid/idiot.     

Happily engaged child

Child Psychologist and Counselor

Happily engaged child

Spare & spend time, value his/her existence & show you care, to have an everlasting bond with your child. Discuss together and encourage child to come out with ideas/ways to make his/her learning a fun process to achieve set goal. Regularly acknowledge and recognize his/her efforts via a simple pat on the back/reward to keep the child motivated and happily engaged in learning. Make him understand that his/her evaluation is not to scare him/her but to appreciate his/her initiative. Evaluations are undertaken to communicate & validate he/she is on the right path of learning process and is happily engaged child. In the process he/she will voluntarily make extra efforts to train & develop for his/her growth.  

Blissful life- be master of own destiny.

Blissful life- be master of own destiny.

Drive away your fears, control repetitive & compulsive reaction and create a balance between mind and body. Being happy and joyful means leading a stress free life. Nature provides serene environment in which one gets the opportunity to converse with GOD in the quietness and have a Divine connect. Mind is difficult to control however emoting from heart in personal conversation with god, unburdening oneself, seeking benevolence invites divine grace.     

Parental dominance and its effects.

Parental dominance and its effects.

Parent’s nagging too much over upkeep of his/her room, time spent on mobile or the friends he keeps and repeatedly preaching life’s lessons telling kids as what is good for them make them react violently. Chide a child with adjectives useless, pathetic, good for nothing fellow and invite impolite response. They rebel and react with brazenness to express defiance when feel humiliated. Disrespect is displayed by teenagers wanting their space in the form of rude behavior due to their annoyance. The heated exchange between parents and a defiant child in turn is awkward. Learn to ignore minor irritants and show basic respect to child irrespective of the age. Don’t counter their rude behavior in the same spirit instead leave and take time out. Realization afterwards works better with the kids. 

Issues of concern linked to time spent on screens i.e smart phone, tablets, video games, television etc.

Child psychologist and Counselor

Issues of concern linked to time spent on screens i.e smart phone, tablets, video games, television etc.

A US study published in the journal Preventive Medicine Reports claim that after just one hour of screen time, children and adolescents may have less curiosity to learn, lower self control, bad temper & lower emotional stability that can lead to an increased risk of anxiety and depression. Leisure time spent by children and adolescents on such devices can and must be regulated for keeping in check the adverse effects on their mental health/wellbeing. Regular exercise regimen and playing outdoors in childhood/adolescence promotes long lasting health.     

Convey polite refusal to unreasonable excessive demands/request.

Child psychologist and Counselor

Convey polite refusal to unreasonable excessive demands/request.

The fear of being typecast as difficult person force individuals take an approach of keeping mum or saying a feeble yes instead of clear refusal when in a situation of turning down a unreasonable excessive demand/request. An individual needs to understand that longevity of relationships solely depends upon transparent communication. Saying No bluntly is generally interpreted as emotional reaction and not a thought through answer. Acknowledge and thereafter convey with a smile a reasoned polite negative response to the point for an effective intended refusal.

Overreaction is harmful

Overreaction is harmful.

Overreaction in situations is instinctive and self damaging but the realization comes later. Watch out for warning signs, identify, plan and convince self of the need to change this aspect of your personality. One who controls this aspect of his/her personality gets better control over self that helps avoid unwarranted outcome. Building a strong relationships after all is very important for socializing, having fun conversations and to discuss something weighing on mind. 

A must to do at the end of the day

A must to do at the end of the day.

An individual in today’s fast racing world experiences, all through the day, various situations that gives birth to anxiety and worry. The physical and emotional stress so generated elicits either fight or flight response. At the end of the day calm your agitated mind to deal with the racing thoughts damaging yourself. Any activity/hobby like reading, walk, game etc which is carried out with concentration and focus for about a minimum of 60 minutes provides distraction and helps calm your mind & body.

Alienation causes stress

Alienation causes stress and adversely affects health. Lost deep in thought, avoids sharing concerns are some of the symptoms indicating an individual is on the path to alienation. Individual suffers feeling of discomfort due to fear of being perceived in a certain way, fear of losing out, insecurity, lack of self awareness, clarity of goal and commitment. Fear of rejection affects self esteem leading to isolation. The individual is in urgent need of a person in whom he/she can confide and share his/her concerns. Professionals are trained to listen in a non biased manner with care and respect maintaining the individual’s privacy and counsel accordingly. 

One suffers discomfort from suppressing one’s true identity. One must get the real sense of self -identity; other’s prejudices must not hold importance in one’s life. The uncertainty gives birth to worries that cause discomfort, engage your mind in challenging activity with clear achievable goal to create a state of flow (state of mind) to disengage from likely emotionally unpleasant experiences. 

Struggling with emotional coming of age

Child Psychologist and Counselor

You observe your child never feels good enough. Find him struggling with emotional coming of age and associated drama unfolding in his/her journey of questioning every aspect of his/her own identity to reach a state of self acceptance. He / She does not value his/her self and taken a path of self destruction.  The child needs to understand life is certainly not a straight line and has to face many ups and downs. Every child deals with it at some point of time in life while growing up. A psychologist helps him/her understand that the problems are common/general in nature and not affecting only him/her. Professional counselor assists him/her find emotional vocabulary that guides and provides direction to deal with everyday struggles. It is hard work and there are no shortcuts to healing on the path to recovery from emotional ailments.

Beware of toxic friendship

Toxic friendship

Humans are vibrational beings. Positive people are high vibrational beings and their company propels us onwards and upwards whereas negative people/Toxic people are low vibrational beings and their company is energetically draining that pulls us down thus directly affecting our success & happiness. You should not keep holding on to the company of negative people just because you are a loving & compassionate person.

We naturally grow & evolve as we mature & experience life. Our friendships must adapt accordingly. While it is admirable to develop lifelong friendships, the truth is, people change and everyone does not take responsibility for the life they live. Toxic friends, when not happy, tend to pull everyone around them down too. Friends who disrespect your time, complain rather than solve problem, gossip, show constant negativity, are jealous and believe in taking instead of giving are the toxic ones however this is not about the friend that goes through a rough spot, needs some extra time and attention once a while. Trust your heart, have courage to do little pruning and clear your life of toxic friendships. It is worth the wait for like-minded people to come into your life. Toxic friends are easy to identify once you know what to look for.

So ask yourself:

1. Do you feel exhausted after spending time with them?

The brief innocuous conversation ends with you feeling tired and drained.

2. You are unable to say a word during the conversation?

You are not actually having a conversation. You are just listening to their complaints and list of woes in life. This is not about a friend in need or one going through transition, it is about those people who talk at you rather than with you - all of the time.  

3. Do they respect your time?

They keep talking on & on even when you have said you are busy and cannot talk right now.

4. How do you feel physically?

While talking to someone, in that moment, do you feel relaxed, inspired & happy or are you holding your breath and looking desperately for a way to break the conversation.

5. Are you caught in the gossip trap?

Gossip might make you feel bonded to a friend, but it is draining. Participating in gossip leaves you feeling terrible at the end. Chances are they will eventually gossip about you anyways, so protect yourself.

6. Do you withhold positive news from them so they are not jealous?

True friends are happy when your life is going well whereas Toxic friends are jealous and will compare their own life to yours instead of celebrating your wins.

Laugh & Laugh

Laughter is the best medicine for mind and body. Laughing is natural but the frequency decreases with age as you grow up and become less natural.

Benefits

There is no other medicine more economical than this.

It decreases the risk of getting stressed and depression.

It increases the quantum of friendly Cholesterol.

It increases the anti-bodies production, thus increases immunity.

Loud laughter energizes our nerves, intestine, lungs &throat and flow of blood.

Laughter changes silence of eyes into vibrant language.

Laughter fills lips with magic.

Happy people live longer.

Advisable tips

Retain and store all the positive thoughts, positive techniques in your mind and use them liberally according to your need and time at your disposal. Indulge in your hobby, exercise regularly, build friendships, listen to music and enjoy humour. This approach will always keep you happy.

Feeling low or stressed, it’s time to extend support

Child psychologist and Counselor

Feeling low or stressed, it’s time to extend support.

You find someone very close/loved one feeling low or stressed, it’s time to extend support. Be concerned and initiate conversation to enable person evaluate his/her life, experiences, abilities, be aware about self, express feelings and vent out pent-up emotions to help lighten the burden.  Listen, do not judge, express genuine concern, provide emotional support with empathy & understanding to help cope in a better way with his/her feeling of  helplessness & hopelessness Encourage the person to seek timely professional help for a healthy and happy future.  

Build, develop and maintain self confidence

Child psychologist and Counselor

Self confidence, an inner powerful and strong belief, helps you face successfully a situation beyond your control. Past failures, an environment with negative people, wrong assumptions & beliefs, emotional & physical state do lowers one’s self confidence.  It solely depends on the way an individual takes care of himself/herself internally. Watch your words, these reflect your innerself. Self talk, habitual negative talk or cribbing, needs to be urgently arrested and changed. Be grateful for all that you have achieved, big or small, and tap each opportunity with a belief that you can and deserve every chance to grow, prosper and flourish. Spend more time with people having positive mindset, optimistic and constructive approach to life.  Build, develop and maintain self confidence. Collaborate with people sharing same goal and vision to boost self confidence level.

Handle with care

Handle with care

Depression causes suffocating and detrimental severe emotional and physiological problems. It drains an individual’s energy and self-esteem. The feeling of worthlessness, despair & hopelessness shatters self-confidence resulting in his/her less socialization, isolation and loneliness resulting in depression taking over. Family support is crucial to help them tackle this phase in life.  Psychological Counseling among others is one of the effective treatment options.    

Life ??

Child psychologist and Counselor

Life is present moment – your past & future is delusional that inflicts pain.

Regrets of the past, worries about future and being judgmental annihilates the present from our lives. Accept & Focus on present condition, be objective & get rid of stressful thoughts, concentrate on current activity, be fully aware of your behavior and reactions, understand its impact on state of mind, embrace the reality, live in present moment for a happy, joyful and de-stressed life.

Importance of self worth

Child Psychologist and Counselor

Importance of self worth

Self-worth is of paramount importance and crucial factor in tackling depression and anxiety. One creates a belief, over a period as one grows, about one’s identity and impression. Never compare self with others, neither seek gratification/approval nor opt for a false escape from reality. Focusing on one’s achievements howsoever little and celebrating them strengthens a positive belief about his/her self-worth. Spending time with people who inspire, motivate and respect gives a fillip to self-worth. Regularly introspect your emotions and behavior, try to get better than before and live up to your own expectations.  Seek help from friends, family or professional.