Psy talk contd....

Anmol Singh-Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

Now if we are to discuss the reasons as to why the students are bullied, it is quite complex because there can be number of explanations behind it. Mainly these students are perceived as different from their peers, such as being overweight, underweight, wearing glasses or different clothing, being new to school, or being unable to afford what kids consider ‘’cool’’. They are considered to be weak and are unable to defend themselves. They are depressed, anxious or have low self-esteem. Children are often categorized as less popular and having few friends, not getting along-with with others, seen as annoying or provoking. They become soft and easy targets for the bully to overpower. This is unacceptable. Bullies have no self-respect either. They are not groomed well enough to understand the pain behind it. It may be because of bad parenting or environment around.

Let’s ponder upon the effects of bullying on students. Those who are victims of bullying suffer from emotional anxiety i.e. they live in stress, fear and somewhere in their heart there is anger and resentment. They fail to recognize their true self and lose confidence. As a result they are low on aspects of self-esteem since difficult past memories linger in their minds of which they are not able to cope up with. You can witness a change in the sleep pattern followed by an unhealthy lifestyle. They tend to have health complaints, and show loss of interest. The major effect is loneliness. When you have no one around you to share your thoughts or emotions with, then it pinches you more. Everybody needs support whether mental, emotional, social or financial.

Now let us answer this simple question, why do bullies have this problem of regularly disturbing others. Some of the factors are like being aggressive in nature or easily frustrated, think badly of others, having difficulty in following rules, viewing violence in positive way, having friends who in turn bully too, having some kind of social power either real or false hope, overly worried about their fame and popularity. Many people ask about the signs to identify the children, those who are being bullied which maybe alarming for anyone. Children have unexplainable injuries, lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronic items etc. They suffer from frequent headaches or stomach aches, feel sick regularly or start faking their illness to avoid conflicts. Often parents suspect to see their ward having changes in eating habits like skipping meals or binge eating. Face difficulty in sleeping or dream of terrifying nightmares. Teachers get concerned over declining grades and loss of interest in studies. All of a sudden the victim starts to avoid social gatherings hence distancing from friends. A feeling of helplessness overwhelms the happy go lucky state of mind. Too much extreme, students depict self-destructive behaviour such as running away from home, harming themselves or talking about suicide. Now you tell me, what do you make of this act. Is it really worth it? Does it help anyone? Does it give you a sense of peace of mind or makes you shiver? Should it be allowed to continue? The answer would be ‘No’. I think most of us would agree that is causes severe damage to both the parties. It is an act of cowardice, foolishness and considered to be utter whimsical thinking. This is disgraceful and everyone should be vigilant about it. You need to stand up for yourself and others. One must get back that lost self-esteem and regain the confidence. Be mature enough to stand up against it. Precaution and safety measures need to be understood to curb this social stigma. Bullying is an adversity which needs to be corrected. Not only in schools, but also it is often seen in work places, even at home from siblings. This ill treatment of fellow peers, co-workers, and comparisons at home need to be changed for good and kept an eye on constantly. Everyone needs to understand the basic essentiality of this situation and keep self aware. We often say ‘’ignorance is bliss’’ and it is true to some extent. The more you tend to ignore someone for their bad deeds, the less trouble you invite. There is no harm in being responsive and confronting the person then and there. That means you stood up for what is wrong. One should never have fear and remember not to bully back. Be assertive, be aware and be prepared always. Feel free to talk or share your emotions with an adult like parents or teacher or a counsellor who can guide better. Never underestimate yourself and never suppress whatever you feel. Expression of feelings gives you strength and might console you. Creating a support group always helps to discuss issues like these. This needs to be stopped collectively as a society and people should work upon this immensely to eradicate this negative influencer.

to be contd....