Psy talk contd......

Anmol Singh-Psychologist & Counselor, Chandigarh

However everything is not a bed of roses. A rose comes with thorns too. What we really need to do is to identify, remove those thorns and be happy within ourselves to grow into a productive tree. Families complain about generation gap and not being able to cope up with each other. Ever wondered why is that? It may be because of one’s own wrong introspection or negative conscience, the inability to deal with issues in life or egoistic attitude which hinders with the once desired outcome. One’s resentment towards something new might cause pain to others. Unnecessary arguments kill the positive aura of the family. One’s irrelevant and uncalled hatred towards a particular member creates disharmony. Arrogance, not paying attention, being unsupportive, over protection, loose talks, constant bickering, over dominance, higher expectations, nagging, forgetting priorities , accusing each other, having secrets, being dishonest etc, are some of the main causes of disruption of family ties, thus expanding the relation in opposite directions. Family members complain about children not spending time with them, not listening, not behaving, always arguing and going off track. They also come up with issues of disconnecting with other senior members. There are numerous things one goes through. But did you ever pause for a second and gave a thought to self. Maybe you’re the reason for all this. Maybe the picture is not clear to you. Love is the medicine for all hate. Look within your soul and work on that. There is no harm in putting restrictions on children if they are out of context, or even making others understand your viewpoint. But you need to learn to be patient and remain calm and deal with problems carefully. There are ways to spend quality time and improve your relations at home. Firstly, talk to your family members regularly and even at the end of the day. One should know about each other more often. Whatever topic it maybe, do not feel shy to express your feelings. Be reassured that you’re not alone. Doing fun activities, such as walking together, visiting places, limited social media, taking interest in hobbies, cooking together, cleaning the home etc can help in refurbishing your relation with family. Listening and communicating is another key factor for improvement. Sweet gestures or appreciation can help rediscovery of emotions. You can also be genuine and be the best of yourself and show concern. Don’t hide your feelings, share your thoughts often. Happiness can also be found if you give surprises to your family members. Wish them with love and respect. Be calm and don’t be angry at all times. Don’t shift your outburst on someone else. Be relaxed, process your day, choose your words wisely and then start to converse. Do not be rude, politeness is the key to a reliable relation. Lastly self-love is essential. Love is the medicine for all hate. If you can’t love or appreciate yourself, without bothering what others say or think about you, you can’t give the same to others. Picking up from self-love onto loving others, look within your soul and work on that.

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